


Hell Was the Journey but it Brought Me Heaven

by kittyhazelnut



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (except that Sam's wife is Eileen because there was no reason for them to ignore her existence), Canon-Compliant, M/M, after 12 very long years, dean finally acknowledges his feelings, follow-up to the finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27650836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyhazelnut/pseuds/kittyhazelnut
Summary: After what happened last time, Dean was convinced Castiel wouldn't want to see him again.He was wrong.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 193





	Hell Was the Journey but it Brought Me Heaven

To Dean, it’s been mere minutes since he died. 

It doesn’t take long for him to realize that this isn’t the case for his brother.

They talk for a long time. Just the two of them, sitting on the hood of the impala like old times. Of course, “old times” usually consisted of reflected on shared experiences; today, it’s mostly Sam telling his own story. He grew up; he grew _old_. He settled down with Eilleen and had a nice, happy, cherry-pie life with their son, who Dean is honored to hear shares his name. 

Jack’s been known to stop by every now and then. He gets lonely, Sam says, while he’s patrolling the universe, making sure it’s _safe_. He performs a lot of miracles, but they lose their charm after a while. Sometimes he just needs to relax and recharge, and seeing the Winchester family -- the _new_ Winchester family; Sam, Eileen, and Dean -- always makes him feel better.

“Have _you_ seen Jack lately?” Sam asks, always the conversationalist. He clearly has more stories to tell than his brother, but he’s still asking questions.

Dean shakes his head. “It’s only been probably half an hour up here. I don’t think he’s thought to make the time.”

“I hope he does soon,” Sam says. “A lot’s happened since you died. I’m sure he’s got a lot to fill you in on.”

Dean chuckles halfheartedly. “Yeah, I see that.” He hadn’t thought he’d miss much by taking a drive, but apparently a lot _has_ happened since he decided to acquaint himself with Heaven -- with his new home.

“I kept hoping I’d see Cas,” Sam continues. “Sometimes I’d think I did, but…” He shakes his head. “I guess I should’ve known when you said the Empty took him that he wasn’t going to shake free this time.”

“That’s… not entirely true.”

Sam’s eyebrows shoot up. “What? Cas was _here?_ ”

“No, he wasn’t -- well, I mean, he was _here_ …” He gestures vaguely to the world that surrounds them. “But he wasn’t, you know…” He sighs. This shouldn’t be so hard to say. “He’s okay. He’s not in the Empty. He helped rebuild Heaven and everything, but he…”

“Hasn’t come by,” Sam finishes for him.

Dean just nods.

“Come on, Dean,” Sam says. “You know him as well as I do. If he _can_ come to Heaven, he will, even if it’s just for a few minutes to see us. Besides, you said it’s been, what, half an hour up here since you died? It’s not like he ignored you for 40 years.”

“I guess,” Dean says hesitantly.

He’s done his best not to think too much about their last conversation. There are a lot of things he wishes he’d done differently, and when he spends too much time entertaining the thought, it _hurts_. If only he’d really _processed_ what Cas was saying… but there’s no use in dwelling on the past now.

They lapse into a comfortable silence, and, once again, it feels just like old times. It reminds him of the brief pit-stops they used to make on long car rides, usually between hunts when there was nothing going on, and they could just _hang out_. It didn’t happen often, and it certainly never lasted long. It’s hard to believe this is their life now, forever.

They both look out over the river, taking in the view -- taking in the _atmosphere_. Heaven truly has lived up to its reputation, not just in the friends and family he finally gets to see again, but in the place itself. It’s gorgeous; he could really get used to it.

“Hello, Dean. Sam.”

Dean practically jumps off the car at the sound of that voice. An hour ago, he would have said he never thought he’d hear it again. Hell, even 30 seconds ago, he was half-convinced that he had ruined his chance at the guy ever wanting to talk to him again. But he knows even before he turns around exactly who it is.

Castiel.

He’s standing on the edge of the bridge, looking at the two Winchesters with a small smile. Part of Dean wants to run over and give him the biggest hug he’s ever had, relieved to see that he’s okay. The other part of him thinks that would be too much and that’s the part that wins out, so he just _stands there_ like an idiot, like he hasn’t been hoping this would happen for _days_ now.

“Cas, hey!’ Sam slides across the hood of the car and does exactly what Dean had wanted to do -- pulls him into a hug that Cas doesn’t even hesitate to return. Dean can’t even see his brother’s face from here, but he knows when the two pull apart that Sam is beaming. “You’re here! I can’t believe it!”

“Jack told me I would find you here,” Castiel says. “He’s too busy to see you himself yet, so I wanted to make sure you were settling in well.”

“Yeah, I’m doing great,” Sam says. “I miss my family on earth already, but if 40 years passed in the blink of an eye for Dean, I’m sure I’ll see them soon.”

“It will feel like no time at all to you,” Castiel assures them. “And how about you, Dean? How are you feeling?”

“Hey, I’ve got you and Sam by my side, so I’m…” Dean shrugs. “I’m doing pretty good.’

Castiel smiles. “That’s very kind.”

Sam snorts. “I almost forgot you were such a sap.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dean says, more a reflex at this point than anything, and it gets a laugh out of him.

Castiel chuckles. “Well, I’m glad to hear it. Enjoy your Heaven. You both earned it.”

“Wait, are you leaving?” Sam asks quickly.

Castiel nods. “I told you, I just wanted to see that you were both adjusting.”

“But you just got here!” Sam protests. “You can’t just up and leave!”

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Cas says. 

“No, seriously, Cas, you can’t just leave,” Dean says. “We still have so much to talk about.”

“Later,” Castiel says simply.

“Well, how much later?” Sam asks. “It’s been 40 years since the last time _I_ saw you. Do I have to wait 40 more?”

Castiel’s silence is answer enough. He’s not coming back for a long time… if he is at all.

“Cas, buddy, come on,” Dean says. “We have to talk. After what you said last time -- and then you just _left?_ ” He scoffs. “One conversation, Cas. You _owe me_ that much.”

“Later,” Castiel repeats.

And then he’s gone.

Sam chuckles. “Well, that’s about what I remember him being like.”

Dean lets out a long breath. “Yeah, just like that.”

~~

Cas was right about one thing: Sam’s family didn’t take long to follow him up. 

Dean was pleasantly surprised to find that little Dean is as good a man as his dad. Eileen is, of course, a pleasure to be around. And Sam just seemed to light up at the sight of them, which was easily the highlight of his Heaven. 

But now Sam, Eileen, and little Dean are having their much-deserved reunion, and Dean decided to give them their space. There are so many places he could go, and he’s sure there are a lot of people nearby that would be thrilled to see him again. But after such an eventful day, Dean just needs some time to process… well, to process everything. 

So he does what he does best: hops in the impala and takes a drive.

Even after spending the day here, he’s still not quite used to the view. Everything is just _gorgeous_ , like a scene out of a movie. It’s definitely a sight to behold. If he’d thought it was nice this afternoon, it’s even better now. The sun is beginning to set, painting the sky a beautiful shade of pink. It doesn’t get any better than this.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean jumps, almost crashing the car in the process. “Jesus, Cas! A little warning next time!” 

Huh. Now it really _is_ like old times.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says. “You said you wanted to talk to me.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean for you to give me a heart attack in the process!” Dean gently taps the brake, slowing the car down so he can at least _try_ to regain his composure. 

“You can’t have a heart attack in Heaven,” Cas says. “Technically, you don’t even have a heart.”

“I beg to differ,” Dean says, “because I can _definitely_ feel my heart beating right now.”

When Castiel doesn’t respond for a few moments, Dean glances over at him, only to see that guilty expression he wears when he thinks he’s done something wrong -- even though more often than not, that “wrong” is just against social norms. Teleporting into moving cars would be one example of that.

Dean sighs. “I’m sorry, forget I said that.” He turns his attention back to the road, picking his speed back up now that he’s calmed down a little. “I was starting to think you weren’t going to come.”

“I wasn’t,” Cas admits. “But you were right; after last time, I do owe you a conversation.”

“I’m glad you came around on that one,” Dean says. “Too much happened too fast last time. I didn’t even have time to process what was happening, never mind to find a response.”

“I assume you’ve had time to process it by now,” Cas says.

“I think so,” Dean says. “At least, I’ve had enough time to think about it that I know I owe you an apology.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Dean,” Cas assures him.

“No, trust me, I do,” Dean says. “Because when you were talking to me, all I heard was goodbye. And I guess I didn’t realize that it wasn’t, that it was a confession, until you were already gone. So when I said ‘don’t do that,’ I didn’t mean, you know, don’t say that. I meant don’t leave me. I just -- I really wanted you to know that.”

“I appreciate that,” Cas says. 

“But that’s not it,” Dean says, because he’s half-convinced Cas is just going to disappear when he thinks the conversation is over and he needs to know that it’s not. “‘Cause I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and about that last, what, 12 years? And, dammit Cas, you’ve been there every step of the way. Through thick and thin, you’ve always been there for me, you know? And I’ve always thought of you as family, but not like Sam. Not -- not as a brother, which I _know_ doesn’t make sense because I’ve told you before that I _did_ think of you as a brother, but that was just the only way I could make sense of it. And I’m rambling and I know that, so I’m just going to skip the chick flick moments and get straight to the point, which is that, you know, if you want to try this whole… _relationship_ thing…” 

Dean glances over at the angel, hoping it will buy him time to think of the words. The look on his face, the smile that lights Dean’s heart up, both takes Dean’s breath away and convinces him that he really needs to finish this rant, if only so he can see that smiles again and again and again.

“What I’m trying to say is,” Dean tries again, “Cas, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

That was the most cringey, 13-year-old-girl way he _possibly_ could have phrased that question, but Cas’s face lights up nonetheless. 

“You’re not just saying that because you feel bad, are you?” 

Dean gently presses the break, pulling off to the side of the road so he can give Cas his full attention. He parks the car and turns to look at him, pulling his feet up on the seat. “Cas, I am being dead serious -- no pun intended.”

Castiel smiles. “Then yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was nowhere near as good as I'd hoped it would be, but I promised myself after that finale that I would never apologize for a bad fic ever again lol.
> 
> Title from Taylor Swift's "Invisible String"


End file.
